Book of Homestuck
by ChessboardMadness
Summary: Elders Dave Strider and John Egbert are sent to Alternia to try and convert the locals to Homestuck. Rated M for language just to be safe. My first fanfic, so please be gentle! This is stupid, bluh...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie**

**The Book of Mormon belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker**

Dave: Hello! My name is Elder Strider

And I would like to share with you the most amazing book

Rose: Hello! My name is Sister Lalonde

It's a book about America a long, long time ago

It has so many awesome parts

You simply won't believe how much this book can change your life

Jade: Hello! My name is Sister Harley

I would like to share with you this book of The Sufferer

Jane: Hello! My name is Sister Crocker

Did you know that The Signless lived here in the USA?

You can read all about it now

In this nifty book, it's free! No, you don't have to pay

Jake: Hello! My name is Elder English

And can I leave this book with you for you to just peruse?

Hello! I'll just leave it here

It has a lot of information you can really use

Many at once: Hello! My name is –

You have a lovely home

It's an amazing book!

Bonjour! Ni Hao!

This book gives you the secret to eternal life

Eternal life –

Is super fun!

And if you let us in we'll show you how it can be done!

You sure?

That's fine

Have fun in hell

You simply won't believe how much this book will change your life

This book will change your life

This book will change your life

This book will change your life

This book will change your life!

John: Hello! Would you like to change religions? I have a free book written by Jegus!

Big Boomy Voice From The Sky: No, no Elder Egbert! That's not how we do it! You're making things up again. Just stick to the approved dialogue. Elders, show him!

Many at once: Hello!

My name is –

John: Elder Egbert!

MAT: And we would like to share with you this book of The Sufferer!

Hello!

Hello!

Ding dong!

Heigh ho!

Just take this book!

It's free!

For you!

From me!

You see?

You simply won't believe how much this book will change your life!

This book will change your life!

So you won't burn in...

Hell-o! You're gonna die someday!

But if you read this book you'll see that there's another way

Spend eternity with friends and family

We can fully guarantee you that this book will change your life

This book will change your life!

This book will change your life!

This book will change your life!

The Book of Homestuck!

Hello!

**AN: 8luh, I'm gonna go die now. XXXXP**

**I saw the Book of Mormon on Broadway awhile ago, and the whole time all I could think of is the cast as homestuck characters. Its terrible I know, but hey, I fucking tried, and its 12 in the morning, shit happens**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I own nothing, also BLUH**

Do you have any idea where they're sending you, Elder Strider?

Well, of course we don't really have final say over where we get sent, but I have been praying to be sent to my favorite place in the whole world.

Well, if you prayed for a location, I'm sure The Sufferer will make it happen. You're like the smartest, best, most deserving elder the center's ever seen.

Aw, c'mon, you guys.

The most important time of a Homestuck kid's life is his mission  
A chance to go out and help heal the world, that's my mission  
Soon I'll be off in a different place  
Helping the whole human race  
I know my mission will be, something incredible

Elders, form a line and step forward when your name is called. Elder English.

Yes, sir.

Your mission partner will be... Sister Crocker.

That that's me. Hey, brother!

And your mission location is... LoHaC.

Oh wow, LoHaC: land of heat and clockwork!

Whoo wah! hey yah! shoo wah! zah-dap wow!

Two by two  
We're marching door to door  
'Cause God loves Homestucks  
And he wants some more

A two-year mission  
Is our sacrifice  
We are the Army of the Church of The Signless  
Of Latter-Day Saints

Two by two  
And today we'll know  
Who we'll make the journey with  
And where we'll go

We're fighting for a cause  
But we're really, really nice  
We are the Army of the Church of The Signless...  
Of Latter-Day Saints

Sister Harley and Sister Lalonde.

Oh, I knew we'd get paired together.

Your location will be... LaWaS.

LoWaS! Land of wind and.. shade!

Two by two  
I guess it's you and me  
We're off to reach across land and sea

Satan has ahold of LoWaS  
We need to knock him off his perch  
We are the Soldiers of the Army of the Church  
Of The Singless of Latter-Day Saints

Elder Harris and Elder Brown...

Sufferer  
Where will I go on my mission?  
Will it be China  
Or old Mexico on my mission?

It could be San Fran by the bay  
Australia where they say, "g'day"  
But I pray I'm sent to my favorite place

Orlando (Orlando)  
I love you, Orlando  
Sea World  
And Disney  
And putt-putt Golfing

Elder Strider.

Yes, sir.

Your brother will be... Elder Egbert.

That's me! That's me! Hello!

Oh, hi.

And your mission location is... Alternia.

Alternia.

Alternia... cool... where is that?

Beforus.

Oh boy, like Hivebent!

Two by two  
And now it's time to go  
Our paths have been revealed so let's start the show

Our shirts are clean and pressed  
And our haircuts are precise  
We are the Army of the Church  
We are the Army of the Church  
We are the Army of the Church of The Sufferer

Two by two  
We march for victory  
Armed with the greatest book in history

We'll convert everyone  
All across the planet Earth  
That is the beauty of  
The essence of  
The purpose of  
The mission of  
The soldiers of the Army of the Church of The Sufferer  
Of Latter-Day Saints

**AN: Like I said, BLUH Xo|**


End file.
